Friday, November 1, 2013

Autistics Speaking day: Truth to power, part 6

This Autistics Speaking Day, I am going to speak truth that certain folks with power in the larger Autistic community would rather I kept to myself. An access fail went down at Autreat 2013. The official incident report is a) not an incident report and b) utterly devoid of "having consulted with the person it actually happened to". Now it's my turn to report on the incident, and the ugly underbelly that was revealed in the immediate and distant aftermath.
Ok so this is where I regale you with ridiculous shit people have said about me that made it through moderation, even (possibly especially) after Jim took over sole moderation of the listserv. As though xyr official incident report wasn't eyebrow raisingly unprofessional enough, the cesspit that the list has turned into is pretty revolting.

Some things about me for you to remember:

-I live on SSI & student loans. So, I'm poor.
-I live on the West coast, a long costly flight from PA.
-I raised money to take a friend with me from the west coast.
-I fundraised for Jim's cat.
-I praised the ever living hell out of Autreat for a year and a bit.
-I was on the list of folks authorized to approach Jim while on an authorized-folks-only tag (unsolicited, xe sent me the email a week? before Autreat)

So this is rugpulling. Or you can listen to what other people have to say.

Oh right, another thing to keep in mind is that the reason Jim cited for being so angry and attacky is that using the word "manipulate" is ascribing motivation. I'd like you to keep that in the front of your mind.

Again, these are not in chronological order. But these are things that have been making it through moderation-while calmly worded statements by people who were actually there are not.

A gem from Marcie (who had a number of them and has never spoken to me ever): I do not want resolution, she says, I am just angry and want to be right. Does she know this from asking me? Nope. But she knows because she has read some of my blog and so she knows all she needs to know!

(what was that about ascribing intentions again?)

And then there's what has morphed into my evil plan. A number of people have been sharing this theory. It's very nice for the doctor on list to think this is financially feasible, but it is not. Nor is it sense making.

Apparently, according to these shining beacons of logic, I planned from the very beginning to go to Autreat, and take a friend to Autreat, and be scheduled to give a presentation at Autreat, and then have my access violated, and then have it poorly handled, shut down, et cetera as a pre determined plan to destroy Autreat.

You cannot make this shit up. But people are running with this one. Again, what is it about motivation attribution? Or is it ok when people are doing it to me because Reasons? And if someone can tell me on what planet that even makes sense, great thanks. I'd like to never go there ever.

There has been never ending attacking and speculation. I am a terrible human being who obviously just wanted to fuck up Jim's day.

Never mind that until this incident I held Jim in extraordinarily high esteem--which they would have known had anyone asked me (one person did. It took some shaming). Clearly because I say fuck a lot all I wanted to do was destroy things. I developed epilepsy just to inconvenience everyone else, is that where this is going?

Cara Wilson is claiming to be confused by how it went down. I'm struggling with this since she's benefiting pretty solidly from her throne in backwards land. Of course this is also my fault somehow. Oh right. She was defending her child. Her 22 year old child who was only in danger of "not getting to watch TV".

And Jim keeps talking about "clearing xyr name". Not about relationship repair. Not about not fucking up again (protip: next time don't be so subtle. Just bring the strobe and be done with it). About clearing xyr name. Again, I am confused: if xe stands so solidly by xyr actions, what needs clearing? And if xe is so convinced that the truth will do so, why is xe censoring the listserv so tightly? Why did xe not even bother talking to me about the incident report or about how poorly mangled things were? There was lots of opportunity for relationship repair. And instead it is a dogpile, with Jim at the head.

I've unfriended numerous people who think that telling me to sit down and shut up and take it is an acceptable thing to do. At least I assume they think it's acceptable since they do it and then defend their actions to me and get huffy when I say I don't tolerate pro bullying stances. 

And there is more. So. Much. More. But really there shouldn't be enough for a post, much less for a series of 7, and here we are...

It's all kinds of bullshit. And since people are going to go all 'well what would you have them do then?' I will tell you in my next post. Though "don't fuck up so fractally" is the obvious answer.