Saturday, June 25, 2011

Parents of autistic kids are bullies.

Not all of them, obviously. But a disturbing percentage.

They say something I disagree with? Waaaaah, I'm not empathizing with the difficulty they have as a parent. Don't I know how horrible it is to parent a kid "who happens to be diagnosed with" autism?

Oh, Neurodivergent K, you say your parents were abusive? Don't you know how much they suffered? They probably just couldn't cope! What do you mean that is a thoroughly offensive and disgusting thing to say? Don't you have any empathy for your parents? I'm sure they didn't wake up and say "so how do I traumatize my kid today?". God, you autistics just don't understand us poor brave struggling parent-warriors.

You disagree with this and find it repugnant? Why are you so angry??!?!? Life hands you lemons, make lemonade! (fuck that, incidentally. Life hands you lemons, chuck them back as hard as you can. When they bounce off, set them on fire and do it again.) Anger doesn't accomplish anything! OMG INFIGHTING! You say you're an adult so act like one! Stop having a tantrum!

Yeah, people actually talk to me this way. Parents of autistic kids-often the same ones who presume to ask me about my bowel movements and menstruation-cannot handle an autistic person disagreeing with them.

And that's when they bully. They come in a herd. They condescend. They misread what you say. They assume emotions that I am not necessarily feeling. They assume that anger is a "bad" emotion, one undeserved. They decide that doing exactly what they do is 'tantrumming', because of course autistic people have no right to expect to be treated as adults. It's all that schoolyard crap, again and again.

And they wonder why I worry for their children. How the hell are they going to advocate for their children when they are bullying someone who has the same neurotype as their kids?!?

I hope to hell that no one treats their kids the way they treat me. It isn't the children's fault their parents are grade-A asswipes. But still, grade-A asswipes.

If you are an autistic person, you know exactly what I am talking about. If you are a parent who thinks that talking to autistic people like that is acceptable, thinks that your view of autism matters more than what actual autistic people think, you just may be a grade-A asswipe. Cut that shit out.

Saturday, June 18, 2011

Autistic Pride Day

I'm hoping to get up a post tomorrow with some other people's reflections on APD. But for now:

Why do we have Autistic Pride Day? Why is autism something to be 'proud' of?

The way I see it, it's not so much "I am proud of this achievement" as "This is who I am and I am pretty effing fantastic and this aspect of me is part of why. I am pleased to be me."

Many minorities have pride days or pride events. And good for them. We are another minority. Just as people of color didn't choose to be born as minorities, just as GLTBQ people didn't choose to be different, just as no one chooses to be part of a group treated poorly--we didn't either. But just like those other groups, we are valid and whole individuals.

Pride in what makes you different is good for you. If you can be pleased about who you are, then there is no reason to fix you. People generally aren't broken, so I'm all for pride.

I can be the most amazing me I can be, or I can be a crappy imitation of someone neurotypical. Yeah, I'm proud to be the badass I am.