Sunday, February 6, 2011

Punishment for "Coping Well"

If you have a disability, especially one that isn't visible, there's this really strange phenomenon. Apparently one is supposed to live their whole life afraid & dependent & limiting oneself.

If you don't, you are said to be "coping well" & therefore able to do without having your support needs met. A few examples for you:

There is a woman who attends a certain autism group that I attend as well. She is MEAN. She is a bully, she has no regard for anyone's needs but her own, she breaks the confidentiality rules (as loudly as possible. In downtown Portland. My Deaf friend could hear her. Said Deaf friend does not use hearing aids or anything of that sort). She is manipulative and sneaky and seriously, she's mean.

Get pushed too far by this sort of person, stand up for yourself, get yelled at. Why? Apparently because I am smarter than she is, or at least more articulate. Fun fact: I have intense sensory issues, I do not tolerate bullying, and once you push my (fairly well known) buttons to hard, I will absolutely tell you exactly why you are wrong, and quite possibly what I think of you. And you deserve it! Bullying continues & is taken to other venues. Mention it to the powers that are in the particular autism group. Get yelled at! Fuck yeah, enablers! Being smart does NOT mean I am not autistic, with real support needs, with real needs to not be bullied by people who are supposedly my own, with real needs to not have it overlooked & tacitly supported because I am superficially a bit more "normal" (here read this as: I give a flying fajita about other people & I don't SHOUT EVERYTHING I SAY EVER).

I've been sitting on that one for over a year, but it never fails to piss me off. Ever. How dare I be the non-shithead kind of autistic??

Or epilepsy! Yes, I do stuff that could be seen as risky-gymnastics, I go places alone, stuff like that. So then when there is a real access need, it can't be that important because I take care of myself pretty well? NO! I can navigate my environment because I make eliminating changeable triggers a priority. It's a priority so that it's safe for me to go places. What is so difficult to understand about this? I mean, besides the "legal obligation" part, or the "don't be an asshole" bit?

And if you have a disability, and you disagree with what Tragedy Model pushers say, if you do anything independantly you must be full of shit. No. I'm living my life. There is a difference, and fuck you right to hell for putting us all in a place where we can't win.


Corina Becker said...


The Cranky Autistic said...

You rock. Thanks.

Unknown said...

"Well, you must be a high-functioning blind person, since you navigate so well--just suck it up and take your driving test!"

"Why do you need subtitles if you can lipread me fine?"

"But you're perfectly mobile! Why can't you just take the stairs?" (note:addressed to someone in a wheelchair.)


"No, you aren't really paralyzed. You can still move your arms! Real paralyzed people can't move their arms, so you can't possibly relate to them."