Wednesday, November 28, 2012

How my language happens. (or: I'm not as articulate as you think)

One of the ways people try to tell me I don't count is to tell me I am so articulate.

But the thing is, I am not. Not under most circumstances.

To make really good, clear language happen, I have to be responding to a stimulus. Most of my blog posts? There is something strong I am reacting to. I have to react to it. The words are there. I have to get them out. I cannot rest until I get them out.

And once they're gone, they're gone. They will never be as good as they were the first time, because the urgent burning need to make myself heard & understood, to express those words? The words don't get that they weren't heard. The words happened. They're gone.

Without something to react to, I'm actually not all that good at words. Give me something to feel passionate about, something that needs to be responded to, & enough things are firing that what comes out is good, maybe even beautiful. But without all that? Not so much. I'm not going to give you a full rundown of the things that are weird with how I word here, because no, but I assure you, my day to day nonprovoked language use is not anything like how I write.

I'm only articulate when the words are desperate to be heard & be free. Then & only then.


Brenda Rothman (Mama Be Good) said...

I love your passion. And I love that you act on your passions - fire in the belly: nonconformist and driven.

Chickenpig said...

If only more people only spoke about things they care about, there would be a lot more things worth listening to.

abailin said...

Thank you. I actually relate to this a lot, despite the fact that I don't have any formal language disability.

Fatigue and depression eat my ability to think eloquently. Days vanish away without my noticing.

And on the rare occasions when I have mental spoons, I often trade off doing the things I should (filing taxes, answering emails, job-hunting), because what I /need/ to do is write things that must be said and shared. Whenever I can. Because I can so seldom.

Anonymous said...

That's interesting. I can relate to that a bit. I find that I speak better when I have a really good listener (like an objective therapist)...but words are more difficult when I have no audience. I am horribly inarticulate with people I know will not understand what I am talking about.