I'm pretty convinced the people who push all of these "-insert holiday here- is for families!" ideas have never read the news. Ever.
Newsflash for you people: Some people's families SUCK.
So you make all these days (mostly Christian-chosen holidays, which is a whole other issue) days that what you can do is be with those abusive assholes who you haven't seen since they told you to get a real job or die on the street when you were a teenager, or you can be alone hearing all about how Xmas is all wonderful and yay family who love you and are awesome no matter what.
And to that I say, fuck you.
There are all sorts of myths already about people who have shit-awful families. Didn't you know? It's my fault my parents are abusive. Obviously people from dysfunctional families are unable to love or care or whatever; never trust someone who has no contact with their family because no reason is good enough to justify that because family is family. Someone who has no contact with their family, even if their family is abusive and toxic, is all sorts of indescribable awful. That is the meme. We all are just spiteful and horrible because, don't'cha know, families always are there for each other and love each other. No exceptions.
And to that I say, go fuck yourself. If you want them so badly, you take them.
Then you throw holidays in there. Go spend time with your family, you say. All families love each other, holidays are for family, forgive/forget, I slap your face off and you're still going.
Because our culture refuses to admit that some people are related to shitstains, a holiday is a day where your only choices are:
a) go be abused
b) sit at home hearing how you should be with your family.
Because I don't feel bad enough already about being told I'm subhuman for avoiding those people, I also need to have no options for doing stuff today. It's like society at large is trying to bore & shame me into forgetting that I have parentally-induced dents in my skull.
And I know I am not the only person in this position. It isn't a moral failure to hate your family or hate holidays. You can't really have one without the other very easily, and if you really think it's a moral failure to not like having parentally induced dents in my skull & other PTSDy memories, go fuck yourself.
I'm glad you're not visiting your family. They're awful and they don't deserve you. I wish people weren't being assholes to you about it. I completely understand and it pisses me off that people are judging you for it. Your family earned every bit of hatred you hold for them, and it takes a fuckton of a lot of horror for most people to refuse to see their families, which should give people a pretty good clue for how awful your parents are. You deserve to spend your holidays and the rest of the year whatever way makes you the happiest, and hopefully soon that will mean that no idiots are badgering you wanting to know why you don't want to talk to your parents.
There are lots of people who spend Christmas alone, and this 'if you're not with family then you're a loser' attitude pisses me off.
For the record, I spent Christmas working, and then came home (alone) to spend the evening with my cats and reading books. If I'd spent it with family I'd probably be chewing the carpet instead.
Even people who spend Christmas with families don't always have the best time. Stories abound of family clashes at this time of year, with or without special needs. Sometimes it's just not worth it. There was even a time before I became a mother when I ditched the family thing with my boyfriend and we stayed in watching dvds and eating take out. I would have done the same at that time even if I hadn't been dating someone in a similar position to me.
I'm sorry you have a horrible family. Another commenter is right, families are a spectrum. There are horrible ones and wonderful ones and every kind in between. You made me think of something to write about.
The only thing my parents gave me worth having was the determination my kids wouldn't grow up the same way. Yay! to family free holidays!
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