I attend the walks for choice that started as a response to the right wing war on women. It's really really easy to be in support of free birth control, free STD testing,accessible abortion, and other reproductive health care in the liberal city I call home. We've never been counterdemonstrated (which would be hilarious, but I'm kind of strange..) and we've had exactly one invective yelled at us. People here are overwhelmingly in support of keeping Planned Parenthood funded, keeping abortion legal, making sure that the definition of rape doesn't get so stringent that most women aren't able to deal with the already stressful reporting process, basic stuff like that. They may not be willing to walk through town chanting about free testing for everyone, but they're all for it on the inside.
The thing is, though, that there are big intersectionality issues with anything feminist. Women are not all the same. There are women of all races, women of all sizes, cis women, trans women, rich women, poor women, neuroprivileged women, neurodivergent women, women with visible disabilities, women with no discernible disability.
That is a LOT of diversity to cover. And while I doubt we have it perfect, the organizers are doing their damnedest. And I approve. Many feminist kind of things, even those that try to be inclusive, engage in some kind of erasure, be it that of trans women, or of women of color, or mothers, or disabled women.
I'm sure there's a group no one thought of yet in our area because of the privilege that comes with not being in any given minority, but I don't know who that is, and that's kind of cool. I dread so much feminist activism because of the erasure, and I am not erased. I may be the only disabled person there (more likely I am not), but the existence of people like me, and the fact that people like me also need sexual health services, is acknowledged.
They even asked me to talk about the ableism that occurs in reproductive health services. That's kind of cool. So many people think that autistic people, disabled people, are asexual perpetual children, that my experiences being acknowledged by a mainstream feminist movement makes me warm and fuzzy inside.
Inclusiveness: because all of us matter. Go (my town's) walk for choice!
(yes I realize some people reading aren't pro choice. Some may even be anti contraception, which is a mindset that makes no sense to me for reasons I assume are obvious. I'd rather not have a bigass OMG BABYKILLER argument here, since the main idea of the post is YAY NOT BEING ERASED AND YAY EMBRACING DIVERSITY, not YAY ABORTIONS).
Monday, May 16, 2011
Wednesday, May 11, 2011
Information Retention & Processing
So something I've caught a lot of crap about lately is that I don't retain everything I perceive. I have a phenomenal memory (as many of us do), but if something is presented in a way that's not very good for me, I don't move all of it from short term to long term memory. That's just the way it is.
However, what the people taking this to mean I cannot learn are not understanding is that I perceive far more than they do. I probably don't catch everything, but not much goes unnoticed. As I sit here now I am aware of the smoothie being made 25 feet away (it has bananas and berries), I am aware of 5 different conversations about 5 different things, I feel and hear the lights, including the one about to die 10 feet to my right, the butt groove in the chair I am sitting in, the crookedness of the table directly in front of me, the grinding of the coffee across the big open space, the smell of the daily special (I think it has sausage). When I go to the hospital or doctor I can remember the names of the nurses because they wear name tags. I notice what hand people prefer.
In other words, remembering even half of what I take in would be remembering more than many people indicate noticing at all. If I remembered absolutely everything I'd have more conflicting information than I can deal with-that threshold is already awfully close. Discarding some of those conflicting details is how I have cognitive capacity to learn new things rather than spending all my time justifying 2 opposite ideas as compatible.
So yeah. I learn just fine, thank you.
However, what the people taking this to mean I cannot learn are not understanding is that I perceive far more than they do. I probably don't catch everything, but not much goes unnoticed. As I sit here now I am aware of the smoothie being made 25 feet away (it has bananas and berries), I am aware of 5 different conversations about 5 different things, I feel and hear the lights, including the one about to die 10 feet to my right, the butt groove in the chair I am sitting in, the crookedness of the table directly in front of me, the grinding of the coffee across the big open space, the smell of the daily special (I think it has sausage). When I go to the hospital or doctor I can remember the names of the nurses because they wear name tags. I notice what hand people prefer.
In other words, remembering even half of what I take in would be remembering more than many people indicate noticing at all. If I remembered absolutely everything I'd have more conflicting information than I can deal with-that threshold is already awfully close. Discarding some of those conflicting details is how I have cognitive capacity to learn new things rather than spending all my time justifying 2 opposite ideas as compatible.
So yeah. I learn just fine, thank you.
Friday, May 6, 2011
Tumblr People:
I am thrilled and delighted that you are reblogging my stuff. Yay me yay you.
HOWEVER
When you comment on my writing, the only way for me to see it is to chase you all over the internets. This is inane. My stuff is getting like a billion comments on tumblr (other people's tumblrs, I don't have the bandwidth to have yet another blog) and here it gets very very few.
This bothers me. I like comments. I like conversation. It's all happening about me, without me. Not cool. And I shouldn't have to chase all over the intertrons to see what people think (and blogger doesn't do the linkbacks with tumblr so I wouldn't really know where to start even if I wanted to and had the time to).
Commenting here isn't hard, I promise. And I like seeing what other people have to say.
HOWEVER
When you comment on my writing, the only way for me to see it is to chase you all over the internets. This is inane. My stuff is getting like a billion comments on tumblr (other people's tumblrs, I don't have the bandwidth to have yet another blog) and here it gets very very few.
This bothers me. I like comments. I like conversation. It's all happening about me, without me. Not cool. And I shouldn't have to chase all over the intertrons to see what people think (and blogger doesn't do the linkbacks with tumblr so I wouldn't really know where to start even if I wanted to and had the time to).
Commenting here isn't hard, I promise. And I like seeing what other people have to say.
Tuesday, May 3, 2011
The Privilege of Ignorance
Something people who talk about privilege don't talk about much:
Part of your majority privilege is the luxury of being ignorant.
I have heard so many times "I didn't know strobe lights were problematic". Really? REALLY?? I do not understand, what with the signs and warnings on things and the hurrhurrseizure jokes that people who wouldn't know a seizure if it bit them on the ass make. People who don't have epilepsy don't have to worry about it, even a little, so they make their inane jokes and gloss over the warnings and notifications. They don't realize how many lights are everywhere. A friend even said to me this week that he didn't realize how much flashy crap is everywhere until we started hanging out. Most people have the luxury of not giving a shit.
People are blissfully unaware of noises. They are blissfully unaware of smells. Oh so many people are blissfully unaware that their behavior and language marginalizes people. I had a dean at a college tell me she didn't know what erasing a person is while she was doing it. People have the privilege of not knowing the first thing about a person or group of people while simultaneously treating them as less-than. Many men are utterly unaware that being a woman is sometimes absolutely terrifying. People without disabilities are utterly unaware that being a disabled woman is even more so. They don't have to know.
I recognize there are things I have the privilege of ignorance about as well. I do not have to be aware of sidewalks and curb cuts and such, for I do not need a mobility aid. I know these things are problematic, but I don't have to think about them. There are a number of aspects of GLBTQ existence that I am unaware of because they aren't part of my every day life. I recognize that I am privileged in this way, that a lot of people do have to take a whole lot of other factors into mind, but that doesn't mean I know what they are.
In short, ignorance of other people's daily existence comes with privilege. It isn't someone's fault that they have that privilege, but it is their fault if they refuse to acknowledge it.
Part of your majority privilege is the luxury of being ignorant.
I have heard so many times "I didn't know strobe lights were problematic". Really? REALLY?? I do not understand, what with the signs and warnings on things and the hurrhurrseizure jokes that people who wouldn't know a seizure if it bit them on the ass make. People who don't have epilepsy don't have to worry about it, even a little, so they make their inane jokes and gloss over the warnings and notifications. They don't realize how many lights are everywhere. A friend even said to me this week that he didn't realize how much flashy crap is everywhere until we started hanging out. Most people have the luxury of not giving a shit.
People are blissfully unaware of noises. They are blissfully unaware of smells. Oh so many people are blissfully unaware that their behavior and language marginalizes people. I had a dean at a college tell me she didn't know what erasing a person is while she was doing it. People have the privilege of not knowing the first thing about a person or group of people while simultaneously treating them as less-than. Many men are utterly unaware that being a woman is sometimes absolutely terrifying. People without disabilities are utterly unaware that being a disabled woman is even more so. They don't have to know.
I recognize there are things I have the privilege of ignorance about as well. I do not have to be aware of sidewalks and curb cuts and such, for I do not need a mobility aid. I know these things are problematic, but I don't have to think about them. There are a number of aspects of GLBTQ existence that I am unaware of because they aren't part of my every day life. I recognize that I am privileged in this way, that a lot of people do have to take a whole lot of other factors into mind, but that doesn't mean I know what they are.
In short, ignorance of other people's daily existence comes with privilege. It isn't someone's fault that they have that privilege, but it is their fault if they refuse to acknowledge it.
Saturday, April 30, 2011
BADD 2011. The fights we fight
I'm in the middle of 2 battles right now. 2 battles that should not need fighting.
One, I am a one woman anti strobe light league. People have them on the fronts of their bikes, and have told me that they are willing to take that risk because epileptic people cannot drive. It's not their call. Fighting to get flash photography banned at a place I go frequently-the red eye reducer is a strobe light just so you know-has taken the better part of a year and the start of a petition to DOJ. It also took me having 2 severe seizure clusters at the venue because of flash photography and a so called professional photographer aggressively strobing in my face and nearly hitting a friend of mine. Pictures are not more important than my health.
Then there's the restaurant with a strobe light outside, who told me that they aren't the only ones in town with a light and to get a life instead of telling them that they are hurting people. And there are the parking garages with strobe lights. There are the red lights and the school busses, all strobing. Because according to the real people out there, I DON'T MATTER.
I have been told that if strobe lights are dangerous to me I should stay in my house. They are fucking everywhere. NO. It is my world too.
Then there's a fight for access at school. I'm socially different, whoopie shit, and a teacher cannot handle that. It will eventually be covered in full here, but currently there are a lot of legal things going on and I don't think they go on the internet right now.
But this guy heard the word autism and suggested a yoga class and that I cannot evaluate risk because I am autistic. He has alternatingly ignored me and harrassed me for the whole term, because I am autistic. He has coerced the staff at the facility we use into harrassing me, because I am autistic.
He has bullied me via himself, the dean of the school, and disability services, because I am autistic. He is trying to bully me out of his class because I am autistic. Not because I am incapable, but because I am autistic.
The people who are supposed to be my advocates, Disability Services, are giving what he says more weight, because I am autistic. The dean is listening to him and talking down to me, because I am autistic. They are telling me again that who I am is enough reason to discriminate against me even though they have a policy against that. They are doing this, too, because I am autistic.
They will probably get away with it, because I am autistic.
They will fight for each other, but no one fights for us. I am tired of fighting, but I keep doing it because it's fight or die, and I am not dead yet.
Some reflections on Autism Miseducation Month
(This was originally titled reflections on Autism Hysteria Month, but someone pointed out the origins of hysteria as a word and that's no good, so now we're on miseducation. -K)
Thank $DIETY it's over.
This month in the public sphere, we had atrocities like PBS's Autism Now (which ignored autistic adults entirely as not important; only parents matter). We had atrocities like the NHL's Face Off Against Autism. We had the ridiculous Light It Up Blue thing. Blue is totally going to make people more educated, right? Everything was against autism or for awareness.
Still people are settling for 'awareness'. But awareness is not an end unto itself, or shouldn't be. Big Autism is happy if people are 'aware' that their tragedified version autism exists-that brings donations for cure research. I hypothesize that Big Autism doesn't want people actually educated on autism, for then they may determine that supports, not cure, are what is needed and what is ethical to fund.
In my real life, awareness has done nothing but harm this year. STOP telling me I am broken. STOP telling me that I am an exception, I'm not. I am not special in the autistic world, not really. We are all unique and yet we all share so much.
In my real life, "awareness" is leading to a teacher trying to force me out of a class. I have a 4.0 GPA, am a former high level athlete, and he is afraid I cannot handle rock climbing, because of "awareness". The fight I am forced into because of "awareness" is not something I have the bandwidth for, yet here I am doing it. I will probably collapse from burnout before it is over, as I am running on fumes and stubbornness right now.
Awareness doesn't cut it in 2011. It won't cut it in 2012. Educate people or shut the hell up-awareness as your whole goal does not help us. It hurts us. And contrary to what you think, you are hurting really real people with the fallout from your scare tactics.
Thank $DIETY it's over.
This month in the public sphere, we had atrocities like PBS's Autism Now (which ignored autistic adults entirely as not important; only parents matter). We had atrocities like the NHL's Face Off Against Autism. We had the ridiculous Light It Up Blue thing. Blue is totally going to make people more educated, right? Everything was against autism or for awareness.
Still people are settling for 'awareness'. But awareness is not an end unto itself, or shouldn't be. Big Autism is happy if people are 'aware' that their tragedified version autism exists-that brings donations for cure research. I hypothesize that Big Autism doesn't want people actually educated on autism, for then they may determine that supports, not cure, are what is needed and what is ethical to fund.
In my real life, awareness has done nothing but harm this year. STOP telling me I am broken. STOP telling me that I am an exception, I'm not. I am not special in the autistic world, not really. We are all unique and yet we all share so much.
In my real life, "awareness" is leading to a teacher trying to force me out of a class. I have a 4.0 GPA, am a former high level athlete, and he is afraid I cannot handle rock climbing, because of "awareness". The fight I am forced into because of "awareness" is not something I have the bandwidth for, yet here I am doing it. I will probably collapse from burnout before it is over, as I am running on fumes and stubbornness right now.
Awareness doesn't cut it in 2011. It won't cut it in 2012. Educate people or shut the hell up-awareness as your whole goal does not help us. It hurts us. And contrary to what you think, you are hurting really real people with the fallout from your scare tactics.
Sunday, April 17, 2011
Being Autistic Is...
In the style of What Epilepsy Is. Like that piece, this one is more about how other people react to autism than what autism itself causes. I'd think that'd be apparent, but one never knows.
Being autistic is being judged.
Being autistic is being yelled at for existing.
Being autistic is being subjected to verbal, physical and emotional abuse for existing.
Being autistic is being at high risk of being killed for existing.
Being autistic is knowing damn well that anyone who hurts or kills you will get away with it.
Being autistic is knowing that the person who hurts or kills you will be a folk hero.
Being autistic is being looked on as a tragedy.
Being autistic is teachers doing everything they can think of, legal and illegal, to make you not their problem.
Being autistic is people being scared of you.
Being autistic is people being scared of you when they haven't even met you.
Being autistic is being looked on as an emergency.
Being autistic is being told that your way of seeing the world is objectively wrong.
Being autistic is being told you have no empathy.
Being autistic is being told that by people who make no effort to see things your way.
Being autistic is being told that your very existence is a danger to you and to others.
Being autistic is being called a burden.
Being autistic is knowing you aren't going to get acceptable medical care.
Being autistic is being assumed incapable of having friends.
Being autistic is people talking to your friends instead of you.
Being autistic is people assuming you are incapable of understanding things.
Being autistic is people hoping you are incapable of understanding things so they can justify excluding you.
Being autistic is people excluding you anyway, because 'autism' is reason enough.
Being autistic is fearing for your job when people find out.
Being autistic is being erased-no one is like you in the media.
Being autistic is people disbelieving you are what you are because there are no autistic adults in the media.
Being autistic is having both your strengths and your weaknesses weaponized against you.
Being autistic is having to qualify everything you say as only applying to you.
Being autistic is doing exactly that, and still having people attack you for 'assuming you speak for [my] child."
Being autistic is doing exactly that and people still demanding you play universal translator.
Being autistic is those same people yelling at you when you tell them something they don't want to hear.
Being autistic is having very personal details of your life demanded of you.
Being autistic is being called 'tantrumming' when you don't answer said invasive questions.
Being autistic is giving 95-97% in every social interaction.
Being autistic is knowing that others resent giving even 3%.
Being autistic is every socialization problem being your fault, for you are the broken one.
Being autistic is knowing that the bullying you are subject to is socially sanctioned and celebrated.
Being autistic is knowing that your successes are resented.
Being autistic is charities that are supposed to help you trying to eliminate you.
Being autistic is being physically attacked at those charities' events for daring to show up.
Being autistic is being assumed to be the aggressor in those and any other situation.
Being autistic is having quack cures constantly shoved down your throat.
Being autistic is knowing that no one wants a child or friend like you.
Being autistic is knowing that if you point out how society treats you, people are going to challenge your anti cure status as disingenuous.
Being autistic is knowing that if you demand equal treatment, people will challenge your support needs.
Being autistic is knowing there is no way to win anything, ever.
Being autistic is fighting to be seen as an actual person.
Being autistic is knowing that fight will not be won in your lifetime.
Being autistic is fighting that fight anyway.
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