Kay.
So I'm taking a rock climbing class at the local community college. One of my good friends is taking it with me (for fun, and because, well, having a seizure at the top of a climb would be pretty horrendous if no one knew what was going on).
A few things to note right now:
a) I'm pretty much left handed for athletic purposes.
b) It takes me a few tries to reverse something to work for my left hand-ESPECIALLY if I look at it forward on or from anywhere but right next to the demonstrator.
c) I start displaying imminent frustration before I really notice it, especially when the lights are bad (they were).
d) On me, that looks like sideways hand flapping, gettingallthewordsoutatonce, being a bit more "don't touch me".
I get services from the disability office at school. I am not required to tell my instructors what I have, but it's not like it's a big secret, and I don't want autisticy stuff to be assumed to be seizure activity or vice versa, so everyone knows. No big deal. Or it shouldn't be.
But! My rock climbing teacher! He's *aware*! So we're doing our thing in class, learning to belay after we learn to make the knot. All the staff and instructor types are right handed. Apparently I'm the only left handed person they've ever met. So they tell me 15 different ways to do things, most of which amount to "be right handed".
I'm a bit frustrated with this, but fine. Whatever. I can climb like woah. I manage to not drop my friend for whom I am belaying-I was clipped into a ground anchor because of a significant size differential, but he did not, in fact, die. I also did not die while climbing. Well done, us.
Then this minty staff lady comes over and tells me to do the opposite of what the instructor told me. Oh...kay...
None of these people have The One True Truth of belaying, obviously. All the things I did did, in fact, work. But being told 3 different things in 5 minutes (again, most of which amount to "be right handed") is a bit much. I'm still clipped in to the ground anchor, ready to go, my hands flap a little.
"Unclip."
"uh, what"
"Unclip. There seems to be negative energy and emotions.:
"...what"
Blah blah unsafe blah blah not concentrating blah blah frustrated.
"Well, you told me one thing and she told me another and it's what I was doing so I'm processing".
"Unclip & we can have a discussion"
"...I want a cognitive interpreter..."
Seriously, I had no idea what I did. None. The first thing that came up in the 'discussion' is that as an autistic person I just operate a bit differently, and oh man did the condescension turn on.
No, I do not need little words. No, I am not going to hurt you (WHAT is it with instructors asking me that this week? I'm 120 pounds. I am about as intimidating as a rabbit). My friend, who actually knows me, trusts me to not drop him. Please, keep your distance. Please, stop acting like having me here is a big fucking hassle. "are you sure you can...do this?" Why yes, yes I am. Crazy, but I'm in pretty good shape.
I do, in fact, learn even! I'm good with the distance keeping, honestly. I'm not so good with you talking to my friend (who was cognitive interpreting) like I'm a recalcitrant child, like I cannot hear you. I am not ok with the ableist language to my classmates and the assumption I wouldn't get it. Yeah, 'people like me' do in fact have recreational activities.
Oh, people like me are even adults! I don't care how well meaning your statements are, when they're talking points out of PSAs about children, I hate you. No, I won't fucking take a 'time out'. I will go get food. I will go for a walk. Anyone who thinks 'time out' is acceptable language to use with a grown woman is too far out of realityland for me to listen to, ever, but yes, I do in fact remove myself from situations.
Oh. The catalyst for his freak out? Flapping is BAD. No. Seriously. I thought he was saying it to cover for something even more ridiculous, friend said he was dead serious. Awareness tells him so!
Thanks, 'awareness'! I need to have my coping mechanisms demonized! It makes my whole damn day! I need to be treated like a kindergartener by a community college PE teacher! That made my whole week! And, shit! Having half my teachers afraid of me, THAT makes my whole year! Because we all know that all autistic people are Manchurian Candidates or something, just WAITING to completely lose their shit and destroy everything in our paths!
Except we aren't. If this is 'awareness', ignorance really is bliss.
Showing posts with label autistic teens. Show all posts
Showing posts with label autistic teens. Show all posts
Saturday, April 9, 2011
Tuesday, April 5, 2011
Be aware of THIS
This was my 2008 Autism Awareness Month post.
Ah April, the true cruelest month, at least if you are autistic or sympathetic towards autistics and what we really think. "Autism Awareness Month", they call it. Awareness of what? It seems more and more to be awareness that many parents feel cheated because they didn't get the typical or supertypical child they feel they so richly deserved, a month of awareness of how the PARENTS feel they suffer, a month of awareness of all the things they are putting the child through to put themselves out of their misery. Quackery awareness month, even, but of course no one will come out and call a spade an effing shovel because autistic people don't count in this society. That's right, it's a f*ing shovel.
With that in mind in this vomitous puzzle piece bedecked month, here are some things to keep in mind if you intend to "do something for awareness" or are bombarded by people who are (or are asking you why you aren't):
1. "Awareness" is not the same thing as information. I can get 10,000 people to wear a puzzle ribbon pretty easily but that doesn't mean they know a blessed thing about autism. "Awareness" is crap.
2. "Awareness" is a vague goal, in addition to being crap. Awareness of what? Awareness of what autism IS? No, no one exactly knows and that's too much like information. Awareness that adults need services too? No, we don't look cute on their posters. Awareness that autism is more than just people smearing shit and banging their heads? No, that makes us sound too much like people. Awareness that many parents think that ohnoesvaxxeenzeetbabeez and they need to follow their GooglePhD protocol to rescue them and need YOUR MONEY to do it? That particular faction shouts the loudest. Note how few autistic people are served by "awareness".
3. Please be AWARE that autistic people are just that, PEOPLE. We don't need the dehumanization that nearly invariably comes with the "human interest" stories. Even if we don't talk, we can hear and pick up on the attitude that exudes from these pieces.
4. Please also be AWARE that we are AWARE of autism year round, and thus don't necessarily feel the need to do more than we do every day-namely, being ourselves. Conversely, if other people happen to notice us being ourselves more during April, that isn't necessarily us "acting out", but so called awareness making people more aware or self conscious or whatever. The rest of the world can suck it up and deal.
5. Consider that we may not want to read every article on autism, go to every (or even ANY) autism event, or watch every program. See dehumanizing, above. This holds especially true for anti cure folks and those of us who have more than had our fill of the dehumanizing vomitous pity party garbage.
6. Be AWARE of not just the "valiant struggling parents", but also the children and adults who are doing well, the ones who aren't doing well, and the ones who are doing what THEY consider well and are happy.
7. Be especially AWARE of the autistics who's parents, caregivers, and others bought into their own self pity and have done terrible, often irreversible things to them. NEVER EVER forget those who are no longer with us, for the crime of being autistic.
I really hate Autism Awareness Month. For my part, I will be being myself and perhaps breaking out a couple of my more pointed neurodiversity shirts. That's about it. I don't do big bursts of awareness.
Ah April, the true cruelest month, at least if you are autistic or sympathetic towards autistics and what we really think. "Autism Awareness Month", they call it. Awareness of what? It seems more and more to be awareness that many parents feel cheated because they didn't get the typical or supertypical child they feel they so richly deserved, a month of awareness of how the PARENTS feel they suffer, a month of awareness of all the things they are putting the child through to put themselves out of their misery. Quackery awareness month, even, but of course no one will come out and call a spade an effing shovel because autistic people don't count in this society. That's right, it's a f*ing shovel.
With that in mind in this vomitous puzzle piece bedecked month, here are some things to keep in mind if you intend to "do something for awareness" or are bombarded by people who are (or are asking you why you aren't):
1. "Awareness" is not the same thing as information. I can get 10,000 people to wear a puzzle ribbon pretty easily but that doesn't mean they know a blessed thing about autism. "Awareness" is crap.
2. "Awareness" is a vague goal, in addition to being crap. Awareness of what? Awareness of what autism IS? No, no one exactly knows and that's too much like information. Awareness that adults need services too? No, we don't look cute on their posters. Awareness that autism is more than just people smearing shit and banging their heads? No, that makes us sound too much like people. Awareness that many parents think that ohnoesvaxxeenzeetbabeez and they need to follow their GooglePhD protocol to rescue them and need YOUR MONEY to do it? That particular faction shouts the loudest. Note how few autistic people are served by "awareness".
3. Please be AWARE that autistic people are just that, PEOPLE. We don't need the dehumanization that nearly invariably comes with the "human interest" stories. Even if we don't talk, we can hear and pick up on the attitude that exudes from these pieces.
4. Please also be AWARE that we are AWARE of autism year round, and thus don't necessarily feel the need to do more than we do every day-namely, being ourselves. Conversely, if other people happen to notice us being ourselves more during April, that isn't necessarily us "acting out", but so called awareness making people more aware or self conscious or whatever. The rest of the world can suck it up and deal.
5. Consider that we may not want to read every article on autism, go to every (or even ANY) autism event, or watch every program. See dehumanizing, above. This holds especially true for anti cure folks and those of us who have more than had our fill of the dehumanizing vomitous pity party garbage.
6. Be AWARE of not just the "valiant struggling parents", but also the children and adults who are doing well, the ones who aren't doing well, and the ones who are doing what THEY consider well and are happy.
7. Be especially AWARE of the autistics who's parents, caregivers, and others bought into their own self pity and have done terrible, often irreversible things to them. NEVER EVER forget those who are no longer with us, for the crime of being autistic.
I really hate Autism Awareness Month. For my part, I will be being myself and perhaps breaking out a couple of my more pointed neurodiversity shirts. That's about it. I don't do big bursts of awareness.
Alternative Autism Awareness
This is a repost from April 2006. It's one of the first blog posts I ever wrote ever.
Autism Awareness Month?
Or is it "Fundraise for cash to get rid of autistics month"? Anyone who isn't AWARE by now lives under a rock. So. What do we do about it?
I propose an alternative way of celebrating. Forget the fundraisers. NAAR, CAN, DAN!, MOMA, AutismWeeps, all those organizations can piss off. Let's make people REALLY aware of autism.
When April rolls around, I make a point of stimming in public. A LOT. Not hiding the lack of eye contact. Wearing shirts that I made myself and the one I have from ANI that have autism-positive wording. I've been known to make people "talk" to me in writing. Sensory simulations for NTs, done well, will make them aware all right, but it's important to emphasize that it's the world's turn to change, not ours. We've adapted to their world since the beginning.
If I could get the gig, I'd talk to school kids about autism and how it isn't bad, just different. Get them while they're young. Teaching autistics about their unique brains is another one I want to do on a larger scale. We need more "unique", "talented", "what a great kid!" and less "emergency," "epidemic," "tsunami" language.
The most important thing isn't getting rid of the ghastly puzzle ribbon (though I sure wish we could!). It is making people aware of what we are good at, as a group and individually, instead of just where our weak spots are. Educating people that being autistic is OK. Even being nonverbal is OK (alternative communication anyone?). Teaching them that cure isn't the answer, but instead meeting us halfway. Teaching them that abuse isn't necessary to for us to learn skills.
We don't need Autism Awareness Month. We need Autism EDUCATION Month. Educating educators, parents, other professionals, random kids and adults in public, and educating OURSELVES. This is what we should be doing. If only the big organizations could see it...
Autism Awareness Month?
Or is it "Fundraise for cash to get rid of autistics month"? Anyone who isn't AWARE by now lives under a rock. So. What do we do about it?
I propose an alternative way of celebrating. Forget the fundraisers. NAAR, CAN, DAN!, MOMA, AutismWeeps, all those organizations can piss off. Let's make people REALLY aware of autism.
When April rolls around, I make a point of stimming in public. A LOT. Not hiding the lack of eye contact. Wearing shirts that I made myself and the one I have from ANI that have autism-positive wording. I've been known to make people "talk" to me in writing. Sensory simulations for NTs, done well, will make them aware all right, but it's important to emphasize that it's the world's turn to change, not ours. We've adapted to their world since the beginning.
If I could get the gig, I'd talk to school kids about autism and how it isn't bad, just different. Get them while they're young. Teaching autistics about their unique brains is another one I want to do on a larger scale. We need more "unique", "talented", "what a great kid!" and less "emergency," "epidemic," "tsunami" language.
The most important thing isn't getting rid of the ghastly puzzle ribbon (though I sure wish we could!). It is making people aware of what we are good at, as a group and individually, instead of just where our weak spots are. Educating people that being autistic is OK. Even being nonverbal is OK (alternative communication anyone?). Teaching them that cure isn't the answer, but instead meeting us halfway. Teaching them that abuse isn't necessary to for us to learn skills.
We don't need Autism Awareness Month. We need Autism EDUCATION Month. Educating educators, parents, other professionals, random kids and adults in public, and educating OURSELVES. This is what we should be doing. If only the big organizations could see it...
Tuesday, February 22, 2011
To the Newly Diagnosed (Especially Teens & Adults)
So you just found out you're autistic. You've been living your life wondering why you have such a hard time with things other people find effortless, why you notice things others do not, why you feel out of step with most of your peers.
And you hear the answer is autism. And the mix of emotions that goes with it is confusing-relief, fear, denial, acceptance, a thousand things.
Welcome, and Congratulations.
Welcome to a community that takes care of its own. Welcome to a community of people who get it. Welcome to a community where being unusual is acceptable, where we know that your difficulties in 'easy' tasks are not a moral failing, where we know that your strengths don't negate those difficulties. We have drama and personality conflicts, as do all communities, but we also have a lot to offer each other.
Congratulations on getting an answer. Congratulations on being an individual. Congratulations on being you-you're probably pretty fantastic.
Some advice, whether you want it or not:
-Be yourself. To hell with anyone who thinks that who you are isn't ok. At the end of the day, you are the one who has to live with you. Trying to put up a normal facade day after day is unsustainable.
-Take care of yourself. It's ok to excuse yourself from situations that are overwhelming or painfully difficult. It's you who has to live in your skin and your brain, not anyone who tries to give you crap for it.
-Don't let anyone make you think you are broken. You aren't. Different, yes, but faulty? Nope. Having difficulties isn't the same as being fundamentally broken.
-As a corollary, don't go chasing every so-called cure that comes out. They are usually scientifically bassackwards, usually expensive, and often harmful to your vital organs.
-DO get any therapy that may be helpful. Anxiety is crappy. Sensory issues are crappy. Insomnia is crappy.
-If you have health issues, take care of them, but don't expect that to cure your autism. It won't, but it's a lot easier to function in this alien world if you aren't also sick.
-Seek out our kind. There's nothing like being in a place where everyone speaks the same dialect. It's beautiful. You need to experience the ease of relating to people who grok.
-Non autistic people sometimes get it, too. They're good people to get to know.
-Accept yourself as you are. Strive to be the best you that you can be. Always.
With open arms,
Neurodivergent K.
And you hear the answer is autism. And the mix of emotions that goes with it is confusing-relief, fear, denial, acceptance, a thousand things.
Welcome, and Congratulations.
Welcome to a community that takes care of its own. Welcome to a community of people who get it. Welcome to a community where being unusual is acceptable, where we know that your difficulties in 'easy' tasks are not a moral failing, where we know that your strengths don't negate those difficulties. We have drama and personality conflicts, as do all communities, but we also have a lot to offer each other.
Congratulations on getting an answer. Congratulations on being an individual. Congratulations on being you-you're probably pretty fantastic.
Some advice, whether you want it or not:
-Be yourself. To hell with anyone who thinks that who you are isn't ok. At the end of the day, you are the one who has to live with you. Trying to put up a normal facade day after day is unsustainable.
-Take care of yourself. It's ok to excuse yourself from situations that are overwhelming or painfully difficult. It's you who has to live in your skin and your brain, not anyone who tries to give you crap for it.
-Don't let anyone make you think you are broken. You aren't. Different, yes, but faulty? Nope. Having difficulties isn't the same as being fundamentally broken.
-As a corollary, don't go chasing every so-called cure that comes out. They are usually scientifically bassackwards, usually expensive, and often harmful to your vital organs.
-DO get any therapy that may be helpful. Anxiety is crappy. Sensory issues are crappy. Insomnia is crappy.
-If you have health issues, take care of them, but don't expect that to cure your autism. It won't, but it's a lot easier to function in this alien world if you aren't also sick.
-Seek out our kind. There's nothing like being in a place where everyone speaks the same dialect. It's beautiful. You need to experience the ease of relating to people who grok.
-Non autistic people sometimes get it, too. They're good people to get to know.
-Accept yourself as you are. Strive to be the best you that you can be. Always.
With open arms,
Neurodivergent K.
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