We Aren't Here to be Your "Resource"

And it's fucking insulting when people say we are.

Autistic adults are not here to explain to NT parents what autism is like. Shocking, right? We are not a 'resource'. We are human beings. We have our own interests and lives and opinions and experiences.

Suggesting or acting as though our only value is in explaining autism to people who know an autistic person is displaying a shocking lack of empathy. All the literature used to say that autistic people used other people as tools. They said this apparently without irony, as that characteristic is way more descriptive of "translate my child" parents then it is of any autistic person I know.

Seriously. How is it even ok to act like 'letting' us tell you what it's like to be us, or what it was like to be us 10 years ago, is something we owe you? We don't owe you anything. It is arrogant and ableist to act like because you tolerate our existence, we owe you all the 'insight' you ask for.

Bonus points, by the way, for parents who want our 'insight' but otherwise want us to shut the hell up. If you want to know what I think about something-and I feel up to telling you-you're going to get exactly what I think about that something. We don't exist to make you feel better about how you think about or treat your autistic kid, either.

You aren't doing us any favors demanding we tell you about our neurology or insisting that we agree that your choices for your child are wonderful-we are doing you a favor by indulging these questions if we choose to do so.

I am not your inspiration.

I cringe every time I see a story about a person with disabilities doing something, anything. Why? Because the words "inspiration", "heartwarming", "overcoming obstacles", and similar set off my gag reflex.

My brain and body work differently from most people's. That doesn't make me inspiring. It makes me different. I happen to do things that most people with similar disabilities can't do. But guess what? I do things that most people without disabilities can't do either. It isn't inspiring that I do backflips, or teach kids to fly, or anything else that's a bit out of the ordinary. It just is. It's my life, not some story to warm the cockles of your over-privileged little heart.

And when people get all gooey over someone with a disability doing things within the realm of what's expected for a nondisabled person? I kind of want to go on a rampage with a spork. It is not inspiring when 2 people with Down Syndrome date. It's 2 adults having a life, and it's disrespectful and infantilizing to go "awwww" at it. When an autistic woman rakes leaves to pay for medical treatment, that's not adorable, that's a really sad statement on this country as a whole-don't be all "ZOMG I AM INSPIRED", but be disgusted that to afford necessary treatment someone has to go door to door. If you're going to be inspired at all by that, be inspired to change our world.

If you find yourself saying "That's so inspiring, I could never live with what that person does. And they do all by themselves! My heart is warmed!" you need a privilege check. Badly. It'd be upsetting if someone said it about you, and it's damn offensive when you say it about us.

Don't be inspired by us because we happen to be different. If you must be inspired, be inspired by our vision, our ideas. Don't be inspired by our existence. It's just my life, and I'm living it for me, not to warm your heart.