I thought I had written this post yet. Apparently I hadn't. Don't make it about you if it isn't about you. If it's about you, maybe try something new & examine why you feel so defensive and guilty. Learn from it instead of rushing to indignation. It'll be a change of pace.
There's this troubling newish silencing tactic going around. Parents-and yes, it is fucking always parents-are behaving badly, bullying us in ways they'd presumably never allow their children to be treated, and someone has the audacity to call them on it! How terrible! And then at least one of these parents behaving badly decides to come back with "I'm autistic".
No you fucking aren't. How dare you? How fucking dare you appropriate my cultural identity in so self serving a manner? How fucking dare you?
Unbunch your socks. I didn't say you don't have autism. Maybe you do. I find the timing of these revelations suspect, and how we never hear of the revealer's autism ever again mightily suspicious, but I am not your doctor. I don't know your neurology. But I do know my community, and you sure as shit are not part of it.
You may not use a supposed commonality to justify abusing us. Fuck no. I will not stand for it. You may not use us that way. And you should not either. It hurts your children every time you do it. And, frankly, it proves every "asshat, selfish, self centered, short sighted parent" stereotype and generalization absolutely right. This is the utter embodiment of that! All it takes is one person doing this, abusing our identity this way, gaslighting us so they can keep bullying us, to undo the what parents who have earned some trust have done. This behavior is that abusive, that selfish-enough so that it tears down any trust we can have for your entire community.
Coming out Autistic is not a get out of trouble free card. Haven't you been paying attention to the media, to the attitudes of your peers? Shit, to your own behavior before you decided this was a fun new way to win arguments? Once you are wearing the scarlet A, nothing you say gets taken seriously unless you are saying what parents and professionals want to hear and you wrapped it up nicely first. Autistics are treated like shit, and you damn well know it (and, likely participated in it. Did I mention I'm not pulling punches? I'm not pulling punches. Shitty behavior is shitty). Accepting the label of Autistic is far more a "jump into trouble" launchpad than anything else. It paints a target on your back that you will never really escape.
Coming out Autistic is a radical act, not something to do on a whim to try to get away with treating another person poorly. Do not cheapen the very real danger we live with every day. Do not minimize the fears that Autistic parents live with, fears they have written about far more eloquently than I ever could. Do not minimize the hostility that you and yours create for us every day by trying to appropriate our cultural identity when it suits you and then trying to use it to justify perpetuating more hostility upon our culture. Fuck no. You may not do that. I will not stand for it.
This is not how my community behaves towards it own. We do not need that extra bullshit from you. Your pile is high enough already. If that's how your community acts, that's fine, but that is not what we do.