Sunday, May 27, 2012

How to fail your autistic child without even trying: A guide.

Autism parents, here's the deal: Every shitty thing you do to me, you are giving the next generation a pass to do to your kid. So, here are some brand new techniques, in case your current ones were getting boring.

1. YOU AREN'T LIKE MY CHILD! Yes I am. Suck it up, buttercup. I am not exactly like your child, because I am pushing 30, but chances are good I'm more like your child than you are. Deal.

2. YOU'RE JUST ANGRY! Um. Yeah. I am, actually. See, I have shitstains like you tell ing me to shut up (and more!) when I tell them that, you know, doing X thing isn't helpful, it's actually harmful and may cross the line into abuse. You'd be angry too if the majority of the people you came into contact with alternated between using you as a decoder ring & verbally abusing you when they didn't want to hear what you decoded.

2a) GET SOME THERAPY FOR YOUR ANGER PROBLEM! Fuck you, buddy. You are my anger "problem." I am still on this earth out of plain spite some day, against all of my mother's best efforts.

 3. YOU'RE JUST SELF DIAGNOSED! a) No I'm not, actually. b) That's irrelevant. Lots and lots and lots of adult autistics are self diagnosed. That doesn't make them not autistic. There are a lot of barriers to diagnosis of adults. Financial barriers. Lack-of-experts barriers-did you know lots of so called experts are laboring under the idea that all autistics were caught in childhood? Even though a lot of autistic people would not have been classified as such until 1994? Even really blazingly obvious ones? That doesn't make them not autistic. It makes them overlooked. And of course People of Color & people with other diagnoses are even less likely to be accurately diagnosed because of medical prejudice.

4. YOU ARE BATSHIT LOONY LOL. Psychobigotry on line one! Mentally ill people, contrary to your oppressive beliefs, do in fact have rational thoughts! You are not required to be neurotypical in all ways to say things that are correct! Someone arguing with you is not indicative of their mental status-maybe you are just wrong! And even if they do have a mental illness, that doesn't mean you aren't wrong.

5. MY CHILD WOULD NEVER SAY WHAT YOU'RE SAYING! Your child is eight. Think it through.

6. YOU ARE TOO HIGH FUNCTIONING TO COUNT! People who say this should have their internet access revoked. They are clearly only capable of handling interactions face to face; they don't understand that someone's writing ability is the only thing you can see on the internet. Yeah, I can write. A lot of the time, I can even push words out of my mouth in an order that makes sense. I fail adulthood pretty hardcore, though, not like it's your business. I also have sensory issues that have to be seen to be believed, again not your business.

6. YOU HAVE A JOB AND FRIENDS! YOU'RE WRONG! Heh. You've never met my friends...

 7. YOU AREN'T AUTISTIC, YOU HAVE AUTISM. KATHIE SNOW SAYS SO! Kathie Snow can kiss my ass. It's disrespectful as hell to tell me what to call myself. I don't give a whiff of a shit what you think I should call myself, because you are not me.

7a) WELL MY KID HATES TO BE CALLED AUTISTIC! Gee. I wonder where they got that one, angry mom on the internet.

 8. I KNOW ALL ABOUT AUTISM MY KID HAS IT! One of my best friends has a pilot's license. Does that mean I can fly a plane? This is among the least rational things y'all tell me, yet you do it every day.

8a) NO I DON'T HAVE TO READ ANYTHING YOU POST TO EDUCATE ME. BUT YOU NEED TO READ EVERYTHING I SAY. Yeah no. You want me to empathize with you? It's a 2 way street. You're going to tell me that parents are always saints and angels and want what is best? Then you best get your ass on explaining my mother, & explaining the hate mail I get. I'm waiting.

9. YOU NEED TO BE NICE AND LISTEN TO PARENTS AND NOT SAY THINGS THAT WAY! Did I say fuck off yet? No? If you think this is a legitimate argument, fuck off. Being nice has been proven to not work. You don't get rights by saying "please, could you consider acknowledging that I'm human and maybe treating me somewhat as such?" You get rights by demanding them.

9a) MARTIN LUTHER KING AND GANDHI WERE NICE! No they weren't. White people think they were nice because history class said so. They were every bit as demanding as I am, perhaps more so.

10. INSERT DEATH THREAT OR WISH OF DEATH HERE! *yawn* You don't scare me. You annoy me. At least be creative. And know that my local police get copies of all this shit. Before you get all abusive at me, think about someone doing that to your kid. They will. They will.

11. I'M NOT LIKE THAT! STOP SAYING YOU HATE PARENTS! Well, then show me you aren't Like That. Most people who insist they aren't, are.

11a) I'M COMING TO YOU IN PRIVATE TO TELL YOU THAT I HATE THAT THEY'RE LIKE THAT! Not helpful, no matter how well meaning you are. You need to tell them to not be Like That. They don't give 2 fucks if I think they are, but they do care what you think.

edited to add a couple that I forgot


autistwriter said...

Yup. You've nailed it.

I get the 'you're too normal to be autistic' all the time. I think it's because it allows people both to no accept that they have to make any adjustments for me and to get angry with me when I do something 'weird'. As far as they're concerned, it's a win-win.

Have you ever considered doing what PZ does and posting the hate mail, with identifying information attached?

Alyssa said...

I get the ``to normal" thing too, sometimes. No threats yet, thankfully, and I'd like it to stay that way, but they would totally be sent to the police if I got them... because this is totally spot on.

Lindsay said...

I love this list so much. Hate that you run into this so many times that there *is* a list, and that we all recognize everything on it, though.

Lindsay said...
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Utter Randomness said...

I get the "you're just high functioning, you don't know what I go through because my kid is low functioning" and the "people like you use up services that my kid needs and you clearly don't need them because you're on the internet" a lot. I also get the "but you're too normal" or "I don't think you have that, you function too well," damned right I function well, my peers harassed that into me from a young age. I count myself very lucky that my mother didn't think my autism was a big tragedy. I haven't faced a lot of what you have, but a lot of items on your list do sound familiar. Thank you for writing this, it's nice to know that there are other people out there that feel like this.

Marsupial Mama said...

Is it wrong that number 5 made me laugh? Seriously though, great list.

13x30 said...

You've pretty much covered it. My blog is still new-ish but I'm not looking forward to getting this brand of Stupid direct to my living room. I'm a recluse for a reason.

Melissaclmn said...

My FAVORITE is number 7. My son was Autistic until last week when I was researching Respite Care and found out he just had Autism ;) True Story