Saturday, June 25, 2011

Parents of autistic kids are bullies.

Not all of them, obviously. But a disturbing percentage.

They say something I disagree with? Waaaaah, I'm not empathizing with the difficulty they have as a parent. Don't I know how horrible it is to parent a kid "who happens to be diagnosed with" autism?

Oh, Neurodivergent K, you say your parents were abusive? Don't you know how much they suffered? They probably just couldn't cope! What do you mean that is a thoroughly offensive and disgusting thing to say? Don't you have any empathy for your parents? I'm sure they didn't wake up and say "so how do I traumatize my kid today?". God, you autistics just don't understand us poor brave struggling parent-warriors.

You disagree with this and find it repugnant? Why are you so angry??!?!? Life hands you lemons, make lemonade! (fuck that, incidentally. Life hands you lemons, chuck them back as hard as you can. When they bounce off, set them on fire and do it again.) Anger doesn't accomplish anything! OMG INFIGHTING! You say you're an adult so act like one! Stop having a tantrum!

Yeah, people actually talk to me this way. Parents of autistic kids-often the same ones who presume to ask me about my bowel movements and menstruation-cannot handle an autistic person disagreeing with them.

And that's when they bully. They come in a herd. They condescend. They misread what you say. They assume emotions that I am not necessarily feeling. They assume that anger is a "bad" emotion, one undeserved. They decide that doing exactly what they do is 'tantrumming', because of course autistic people have no right to expect to be treated as adults. It's all that schoolyard crap, again and again.

And they wonder why I worry for their children. How the hell are they going to advocate for their children when they are bullying someone who has the same neurotype as their kids?!?

I hope to hell that no one treats their kids the way they treat me. It isn't the children's fault their parents are grade-A asswipes. But still, grade-A asswipes.

If you are an autistic person, you know exactly what I am talking about. If you are a parent who thinks that talking to autistic people like that is acceptable, thinks that your view of autism matters more than what actual autistic people think, you just may be a grade-A asswipe. Cut that shit out.

3 comments:

biyuti said...

Wow. I wish it were uncommon to get that sort of reaction. You call anybody out on anything (any -ism you care to choose) and there'll be someone waiting to to make it about them (them, in this case, is parents of autistic children).

Um, how about we focus on the fact that autistic children are being abused? That they are no different from any kid in their ability to have abusive parents? Because having abusive parents is a result of your parents being abusive. There are no other reasons (or excuses).

Andréa Raquel said...

Wow! Hard but fair, sad but true. Don't get mad get right.

divergentautist said...

yep i couldn't agree more, we're NOT against their kids!