I borrowed this concept from Stark Raving Mad Mommy. I assumed she wouldn't mind too much. Hers is way funnier than mine.
DON'T SAY: "I never would have known. You must be very high functioning."
SAY: "I obviously don't know anything about autism."
DON'T SAY: "Are you sure?"
SAY: "I obviously really don't know anything about autism."
DON'T SAY: "Isn't that, you know, a kid thing?"
SAY: "Damn, the media works hard to erase you. That sucks."
DON'T SAY: "Don't you get that from vaccines?"
SAY: "I almost just asked you a preposterous question. Clearly, I suck."
DON'T SAY: "You aren't like my 5 year old nephew! You aren't autistic!"
SAY: "The media has so effectively erased you that it didn't occur to me that you grow up. I suck."
DON'T SAY: "You are nothing like my child! You aren't really autistic!"
SAY: "I am bitter and angry and it isn't your fault, so I'm going over there."
DON'T SAY: "Isn't neurodiversity, like, an exclusive club for Aspies and high functioning autistics?"
SAY: "I may misunderstand neurodiversity. Care to explain?"
DON'T SAY: "If you can 'advocate' so much, you aren't really autistic."
SAY: "I'm glad people are fighting the good fight so my kid may not have to."
DON'T SAY: "If my kid could do what you do, I'd consider her recovered."
SAY: "I wonder what my child will be like as an adult."
DON'T SAY: "That parent is just frustrated, they don't mean to be hateful. Have some empathy!"
SAY: "Wow, that was really rude of them. Are you ok?"
DON'T SAY: "They aren't ableist, they just don't understand! The unfamiliar scares people!"
SAY: "What an ableist turdbucket. Ew."
DON'T SAY: "If everyone treats you like that, you're used to it, right? Business as usual."
SAY: "People suck. I understand why you're often angry and frustrated."
DON'T SAY: "Why do you hate parents?"
SAY: "That shit irritates me too."
DON'T SAY: "But not all parents are like that!"
SAY: If you're doing it right, you shouldn't have to say anything. It should be apparent.
DON'T SAY: "Oh my god that must be soooooooooo haaaaaaaaaaard."
SAY: "I just noticed how loud and bright it is in here. Can I fix that?"
DON'T SAY: "Look at me. LOOK at ME."
SAY: "Based on what I just almost said, I have a deathwish."
DON'T SAY: "Doesn't eating a food and deliciousness free diet fix that?"
SAY: "Pizza, burgers, or burritos?"
DON'T SAY: "That sound/light/smell/random touching wasn't that bad. Just relax."
SAY: "There's a quiet dark place over there. Do you want company or want to be alone?"
DON'T SAY: "Aren't you worried about passing that on to kids?"
SAY: Don't say anything. My hypothetical future kids are none of your damn business.
DON'T SAY: "What was your first period/bra/sexual encounter/significant other drama/accidental innuendo/intentional innuendo like for you?"
SAY: Again, keep your mouth shut. This is even less of your damn business.
DON'T SAY: "Your parents did a really great job! You're so high functioning!"
SAY: "You are pretty fantastic."
DON'T SAY: "Autism is such a tragedy. Don't you hope they cure it soon so you can be normal?"
SAY: "Eliminating you would be a tragedy."