tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2147438406266555027.post322725605003966543..comments2024-02-04T16:46:03.204-08:00Comments on Radical Neurodivergence Speaking: Guest Post: Life is HardNeurodivergent Khttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02815685510033244185noreply@blogger.comBlogger4125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2147438406266555027.post-19892805840893940082014-05-29T08:25:10.310-07:002014-05-29T08:25:10.310-07:00Yeah. Compared to the challenges of Patau Syndrome...Yeah. Compared to the challenges of Patau Syndrome, those parents sounds like whiners. In fact, even on their own, they sound like whiners.<br /><br />By the way, Myria, check out http://www.trisomy13archive.com/<br />Parents of Patau survivors usually seem to have a lot better sense of priorities than many parents of autistic kids.Ettinahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/08230821659466586897noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2147438406266555027.post-50302265155820534932014-05-19T09:23:28.085-07:002014-05-19T09:23:28.085-07:00First, let me say that I admire your candidness. ...First, let me say that I admire your candidness. As the mom of an autistic who was non-verbal until he was 6, I found I was the one doing the learning! I learned a new way of being through my son, and for that, I am eternally grateful. I learned to see the preciousness of every moment, and the importance of every milestone, but I also learned there was a whole, new world to explore with my son! Through his eyes, I learned how to see sounds, how to hear color. I learned how to taste the smell of steak, or feel the brightness of a morning. There are so many ways to experience the world, and the NT world limits itself. Autism was a gift from God to help us become more like HIM. <br /><br />Each child, each new life from the moment of conception changes this world. We have to have the courage to be changed. You are a brilliant example of how change can impact humanity in a positive way. Through your struggles, and the struggles of your child, the delightful experience of wonder and appreciation can be found in a world that currently takes far too much for granted. <br /><br />God made you and your child to do a very special job, to perform a very important task. Have courage and rejoice. This is the gift you give to this world, so that we can all be changed for the better.<br /><br />I attend a grad school who uses the mission statement, "Learning what it means to be human". Thank you for sharing your experience today. It has helped me learn a little more about what it means to be human. You are a special blessing from God, as is your daughter. He will guide your path. Let's show the rest of the world what they are missing in our special kids!<br />Maria T PhDhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/16935220304446302411noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2147438406266555027.post-37687593148124019232014-05-05T18:08:07.282-07:002014-05-05T18:08:07.282-07:00"How I can love someone I can't even hug/..."How I can love someone I can't even hug/look in the eye/whatever?"<br /><br />Uh...same way you do a cat? Or a parrot? Or a horse? Or any other beloved animal that isn't a domestic canine?<br /><br />Fun fact: Domestic canines are the ONLY animal species in the world that has nonverbal behavior even remotely close to behaviorally modern humans, and only because we selectively bred them for it. Not even our closest genetic relatives (chimpanzees) speak the same nonverbal language: that's why so many people who try to keep chimps as pets end up getting their faces bitten off. They made the mistake of looking it in the eye and smiling while baring their teeth, assuming that the chimp would see it as a friendly gesture the same way a dog or another H. s. sapiens would...only to a chimp, both of those behaviors look like a THREAT instead and are treated as such.<br /><br />I've worked with lots of different animals, and lots of different people on all sorts of developmental spectrums (not just Autistic). You know how you love them and show affection? You watch. Observe. Ask what they would like you to do, what feels good to them or doesn't feel good. You adjust your own behavior to match their's.<br /><br />Most creatures, and it seems most people on the ASD spectrum (including myself), and even most non-American, non-Autistic humans, do not find sustained eye contact or spontaneous hugs to be friendly or nice. The vast majority of people and animals still instinctively view those as threats. Humans are apex predators, and the only time an apex predators maintains that sort of eye contact with another individual is when they are either trying to assert their dominance, or about to pounce and tear the individual to shreds. Not even remotely a "friendly" gesture at all!<br /><br />It's really not that hard to learn how to adjust one's displays of affection to find a common middle ground between two individuals, regardless of how their brains are wired. I don't like forward-facing hugs, but side-hugs (across the shoulders) are okay. So is the "Headbutt of Love" (called "bunting" when cats do it). I might not like to constantly cuddle next to someone, but I will occasionally lean over, rest my head on their shoulder for a moment to remind them I'm there and I care about them, and then go back to my spot.<br /><br />I really don't get the obsession some people have with maintaining eye contact and spontaneous hugs, but I also grew up with cats since the day I was born. I learned to "speak Cat" before I learned how to "speak Human," so perhaps my idea of what sort of behaviors make sense and what doesn't is a bit skewed.<br /><br />Fun fact: If you want to "smile" at a cat, turn your face slightly to the side and try to blink very slowly, while keeping the rest of your face and body as relaxed as possible. If a cat "slow-blinks" back at you, it means the feeling as mutual and it's okay to introduce your scent to them and get some cuddle time in. :)Anonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07688088863018184284noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2147438406266555027.post-19528718030063515562014-05-05T07:28:28.298-07:002014-05-05T07:28:28.298-07:00I have avoided talking with other parents for exac...I have avoided talking with other parents for exactly this reason. Children do not exist to make us as parents feel loved, or validated, or to take care of our needs. I wanted to have children so I could pour love into them. It took my husband and me nearly 10 years to have children, and when I hear this total bullsh*t that parents need to "grieve the perfect child they didn't get" I want to smack them! My children are here, they are alive, they are wonderful...and there were so many odds against it going this way. It truly is a shame when people don't know how lucky they are. Maybe those people in your workshop will some day? Chickenpighttps://www.blogger.com/profile/09442755180328605920noreply@blogger.com